L.A.B.I.A (Liberation Army of Biological Indigenous Animals) is the military arm of our operation. They have been attending Balter festival for a number of years recruiting young agile humans to join our ranks as cannon fodder on the front lines of battle.
The humans must be destroyed at all costs. Join our forces and we will train you in the art of combat, arm you with the most high tech weapons available at your average car boot sale and send you on missions to take down various random people who will probably totally hate what you have just done to them and kick the crap out of you.
Should be lots of fun.
DO YOU HAVE PROSPECTS AND AMBITIONS THAT ARE NO LONGER REQUIRED?
Tired of a stable job and a comfortable life? Always dreamed of getting a reservation at a soup kitchen? Does your family lovingly refer to you as the sheep who had potential but opted for a life of missguided choices?
If your life is going nowhere why not join the Army and fight in a war you hardly understand?
You might get killed, but your family probably doesn’t really understand what the war is about either and will have respect for you in death that you will never be able to gain from them in life.Come and see us at our Army Recruitment Centre and we will also advise on a personalised step by step guide on how to throw it all away.
Workshops:
Cynicism 101
How To Avoid Your Landlord
How To Avoid Your Dealer (Advanced Class)
12 Steps To Alcohol Dependency
Beginners Guide To Skippingpacks we will be giving out…
‘”Claiming” ESA and DLA – Dos and Don’ts’ (Information booklet with pre-printed claim forms and a spreadsheet list of issues you can have and their associated symptoms you need to fake, medications you can blag and payout amounts),
‘Your first squat’ (Ladybird style book)
and
‘STDs & sluts: You thought it was all over..it might be’We look forward to meeting you and showing no interest in your opinions.
We offer guidance to those seeking to destroy humanity and provide training, featuring our now infomous AssHole’d Korse.
All contenders do so at own risk, dignity will not be refunded and your personal details will be sold to human traffickers.
All contenders are graded (harshly) and best times win (shit) prizes. It’s not as easy as it looks, especially when our agents pound you with various projectiles, including, but not limited to, water and our drill sergeants shout through a megaphone in your face. Encouraging words, mostly.
HERE IS THE LINKS TO REVIEWS WE HAVE BEEN IN
http://pitchmagazine.co.uk/latest/review-balter-festival-2017/
“The obstacle course was one of our favourite things to do – being marked out of flamboyance, cunning and technical ability, it was surprisingly difficult.”
AND WE GOT A MENTION HERE
Review // A lovely little festival full of misfits and circus freaks: Balter Festival 2017
“Balter tends to step into the surreal, providing a complete escape from the comparatively drab reality of everyday life. One moment you could find yourself participating in a random game of bingo with soft play balls being drawn from a washing machine by a fat, bearded man in a bikini; and the next, diving through a hoop into a paddling pool at the end of a timed and graded assault course.”
L.A.B.I.A (Liberation Army of Biological Indigenous Animals) is the military arm of our operation. For more information on our Festival Obstacle Course and Recruitment Centre contact us and we will use our super secret high tech water pistols/water cannons/gunge tanks/obstacle course on your guests please email our crew at lltacrew32@yahoo.com
TO BOOK THE L.A.B.I.A ARSEHOLED K’ORSE AT YOUR EVENT, PLEASE EMAIL US AT longlivetheanimals32@yahoo.com
LONG LIVE THE ANIMALS 